Maui. October 20th. Day 6. Wedding Day. The best day ever.

Tim and I didn't really ever plan on getting married. In all honesty, I didn't ever plan on meeting Tim.

I met Tim at a crossroads in my life. I was not intending to meet anyone, I did not want to meet anyone. I was ready to explore the world independently and without anyone by my side. I needed, wanted to get to know myself. Following one of these adventures of my independent life, I just happened to get stuck in Seattle on a trip back from Alaska. I did everything I could to get back to Phoenix that night but as luck (or fate) would have it, Seattle was in the midst of a huge windstorm. No amount of money or begging would have gotten me back to Phoenix that night. No one was leaving Seattle. I barely made it in (to say it was shaky would be an understatement)...

I get to my hotel in Seattle (Seattle! Ugh! I never wanted to go to Seattle! I just want to go home!...Those were the thoughts going through my head) and all of the power was out. They had to manually check me in, which, by the way, takes forever. What did anyone ever do without technology? 20 minutes in and I start to feel funny. Next thing I know, I think I am awakening from sleeping in my bed and I'm all warm and cozy but wait... my bed feels like freaking concrete and that's not a blanket, that's my coat. And who are all these people looking at me? Why are they all touching me?

I passed the hell out. And the only way I could describe how I felt like at that point: absolute shit. I have never passed out like that before in my life, or again for that matter. The paramedics there were trying to convince me to go to the hospital due to that fact and to the fact that my blood pressure/heart rate were all over the board. Not to mention how crappy I felt... I remember trying to resist going to the hospital and saying, "it's going to cost a million dollars" and then I hear, "No, probably three million." I laugh and look over my left shoulder and there is Tim, kneeling down beside me and he says, "Hi, I'm Tim, I'll be your EMT tonight."

All time stopped. Tim and I have talked at great lengths about what that moment meant to each of us. I think that for both of us we just knew that somehow our lives were changing. We weren't sure exactly how or what exactly that meant but it was a moment so powerful, so intense that we knew our lives would never be the same.

Tim took me to the hospital that night. Subsequently I did have strep throat... which is really weird because it didn't even hurt! But that would explain the passing out. I flew back to Phoenix at 5am the next day... I stayed in the hospital until about 2am and then just went straight to the airport. I have never felt both so physically horrible and but so emotionally overjoyed (for what, I wasn't sure) at the same time.

Tim called a day later. I thought that Washington paramedics were just nice and he was just checking up. Except we had the conversation that to this day has still not ended. Two weeks later I flew BACK to Seattle. I surprised my friends, hell, I surprised myself. But I followed my heart and that is all I could hope for anyone. The following 6 months were filled with as many visits as we could fit in. I couldn't really talk about it at the time because my life, on the surface, was a little bit in disarray. I wasn't really sure where I was headed and I didn't want to hurt anyone unnecessarily. In May of 2007 I moved to the city I never even considered visiting, to be with the paramedic that I fell in love with, who I never expected to meet.

Life has a funny thing of doing that... when you least expect it, everything becomes clear and you just KNOW. The road might not always be easy but when it is traveled with that companion who completes you, in a way that makes you wonder how you never realized fully what you were missing, it becomes more clear, more straight, more easy to travel along.

As I once read, "The tragedies in my own life have been of a personal and largely self-created nature." For me, it took a long, long time to mend myself, my life, my soul, and everyone around me-if I was ever even capable of that. I tried anyway. In some respects, I don't know that I am entirely there yet or if I ever will be. There are people who will probably always question me, my intent, my reasonings for doing certain things. There are wounds that may never heal. There will always be a a place that hurts in my heart, unlike any pain I have ever felt, for the journey that I have been on, for the people I did not intentionally mean to hurt along the way, for the people that I did love- just not in a way that these people truly deserved to be loved. I will forever hurt for not realizing that sooner, for taking these people on the ride with me, for knowing how amazing these people were, but not understanding myself better. I still get crippled by pain when I look back sometimes. It will always hurt, it is as simple as that. I do not have any regrets, however. I may wish that in some cases I handled myself differently but overall, there are no regrets. I did the most loving thing I could by realizing that something was missing. I did the most loving thing I could by breaking free. I did the most loving thing I could by not being afraid, by not wanting the comfortable life, by knowing that I was just following my heart. I will never fault myself for that, as much as I have been faulted for it through the past few years.

As soon as I met Tim, it all made sense to me. All of the decisions that I had made up to that point, that got me to that point, that I had even doubted myself, all became clear. What I knew without hesitation before was validated just that much more because I found what everyone is looking for. When I met Tim, I found happiness. I found home. I found love in a way that I have never been able to see or feel love before in my life. I felt the rays of happiness and hope for the first time in a long time-possibly in a way that I have never been open to before. And as someone once said "..and when you sense a faint potentiality for happiness you must grab onto the ankles of it and not let go until it grabs you face-first out of the dirt and realize that you deserve it. This is not selfishness but obligation." It has taken me a long time to realize that I can and will and do deserve to have happiness, especially after traveling such a tough road full of potholes, obstacles and people telling me up and down, right and left that I am making a huge mistake, I am going the wrong way. I have found that happiness and love are real feelings and it actually doesn't take work or any sort of viable effort to feel them if it is real and true. It fills you up, fulfills you, makes you experience emotions that you never thought existed. Although I had a good life before, I have never known these things to be like this. And this, this invaluable thing, is what I found in Tim. Of course, there are so, so many other qualities with him and I that just click, that just work. But this is the main, everlasting quality that will never change like values, hobbies, likes/dislikes sometimes do. And that, to me is enough.

In was never a question of whether or not we would be together. We booked our trip to Hawaii late last spring and then a couple months later decided, why not just get married? It is just how it has always worked with us... from the beginning of us, to me moving to Seattle- it just made sense. We decided that we did not want anyone at our wedding, maybe just a reception after we returned but really, even that was not a big deal. We felt, still feel, that moment of a wedding is so intimate and personal. I am not sure what the point is in having 50 or more people watch as you walk hand in hand into a lifetime of marriage, in which you only have each other. I did not want a big wedding, I did not want the meaning lost. I learned my lessons in this the hard way. To us marriage is a daily commitment to your partner and to enter into that relationship of marriage, to make sure that we looked at each other in that moment and knew just how committed to this thing that we both are, we just needed the two of us. It was the best thing we ever could have done. I will never regret our decision on this in my life. I have never been happier than I was on that day and if anyone would have been there, it would have taken away from the intimacy of the moment. It was a moment not unlike the moment that we met... powerful, intense, real, full of love, and enough to sustain each of us in this walk together.

On the day of our actual wedding, we got up rather leisurely, ate breakfast, went and got my dress at the bridal shop in town that it was shipped to, got a couples lava rock massage, went and ate lunch (turkey wrap for me, spicy fish wrap for Tim). Then Tim got dressed, he ran out and waited while I had a couple hours of hair and makeup, then we met, took a limo to the beach and commenced with the whole afternoon and evening. That night we had a private dinner for two on the beach... it was about 4 or so courses and we had our own personal chef who made each course, served us, and in between let us kiss under the tiki torches, talk about our beautiful day, listen to the ocean, and sip wine. It seriously couldn't have been a more perfect day.

And pictures.. They are, for the most part, in chronological order from the ceremony to sunset pictures. They really need no explanation.

Happy Thanksgiving

To everyone out there... I hope that today your lives are filled with happiness, laughter, love, and what this day is all about- Thanksgiving.

Maui Day 5- Road to hana

On the 5th day, Tim and I got up rather early to do the road to Hana. For those of you that have never been to Maui, the road to Hana is basically a day trip that takes you along a very curvy, narrow, scenic road on the north shore (the lush shore) of Maui to the town of Hana. The town of Hana is really nothing special, it's more about the drive TO Hana.

We started off around 8am with the top down. Lucky for us, we had just missed the rain. It is evident that there is a lot of rain up there since it is ridiculously green and lush... probably how you would imagine a tropical place to be.

Beautiful tropical greenery.

One of our first stops was a botanical garden off of the main road. The rock at the very bottom of this picture is where the opening scene for Jurassic Park was filmed. We only know that because we were told that about twenty. times. Apparently it is this parks' big selling point... Even though you can get no closer to this rock than we were taking this picture.

At the garden again. Tim and his asian statue. As far as I know, there is nothing significant about this statue other than a funny photo.

Beautiful tropical forest and flowers at the gardens. It was at these gardens that our Sebring decided to break. What? A Sebring that breaks? NO! It couldn't be. I was not exaggerating when I thought the first day we got the car that it was a POS and not just because I don't like them in the first place. So we get out at the garden and get out our Nikon out of the trunk. It is a big camera, not the small little pocket digital cameras (and it is also the reason the above pictures look so awesome). Next thing we know, we can't SHUT the trunk. What. in. the. hell. We spent literally a half an hour trying to figure out the stupid thing. It won't shut and because the trunk won't shut we also can't put the top up. Because we can't shut the trunk or put the top up this means several things: 1) The car is a piece of shit (already noted) 2) We cannot get out and hike along the road to Hana like we had planned because we can't secure our camera, my purse or anything else we might not want to be stolen because the top is wide open and the trunk is wide open 3) Along the road to Hana we get yelled at multiple times, "Hey did you know your trunk is open... YEP. NOTED. 4) Later in the day when it starts to rain and gets colder as we are coming around the backside of the road to Hana, we are not having a fun experience. It was COLD. And wet. So my theory of why Sebrings are POS' was fully supported on that day.

One of the million waterfalls we saw along the way.

Look- another waterfall!

Probably the prettiest scenery we saw that day... Nihau road leading down to the coast. The road is a little residential road that is about 2 miles long but it is SO worth it. This was just breathtaking.

The northern Maui coast from the end of Nihau road.

Beautiful ocean water.

Waves! We couldn't get in the water but it was so pretty to watch.

More of the Maui coast... we took a lot of pictures here.

Me! With an unbelievable background behind me.

After the Nihau road drive, we stopped at a roadside stand for the BEST brownies (like quadruple chocolate), banana bread, carrot bread (did not know that THIS fantastic creation existed...), and banana chocolate bread. Ummm, aside from the obvious YUMMM, carb overload much? After our little snack, we made it to the lava tubes... It was some sort of a state park but we just explored the lava tubes. The main reason for this was that at the end of our short little lava tube hike, I, in my infinite grace decided to trip on a rock and sprain my ankle. This was not fun. Why, you ask? BECAUSE THE NEXT DAY WAS OUR WEDDING. So my ankle proceeds to swell up to unimaginable proportions and I continue to not be able to walk... and I'm thinking, tomorrow in a wedding dress on the beach is going to be fun. You may remember me mentioning climbing on lava rocks in my wedding dress. Well, I think that the hot lava rock massage I had the morning of the wedding helped my ankle tremendously. Or maybe I was just too happy to notice it. Either way, the day was not ruined but our little hikes at this state park were cut short (by my ankle and the damn sebring). We did get to watch a few locals jump into the stagnant water in these tubes, however. It was quite amusing.

Beautiful greenery. Let's count how many times I say the world beautiful in these Hawaii recap posts...

Calvin?? Is that you Calvin?! Nope, our cat Calvin was safe at home back in Washington but I swear this little guy looked exactly like Calvin (except that Calvin has many more threads of white hairs that we like to pick off of him. He does not like this, for the record). This kitten was just hanging out in the parking lot and was so cute and friendly. Too bad one of my ankles is hidden... you could see the comparison of swollen vs. not.

Gorgeous road we drove down to get to yet another beach on our journey.

The beach. Just past the town of Hana. Notice how there are no pictures of the town of Hana? It really isn't that remarkable. But this beach, on the other hand, was.

Going into the water. It was so warm and the waves were perfect. If only I had thought about the fact that we still couldn't put the convertible top up, it was later in the day and we still had a long drive home, I might have reconsidered going into the water. It was worth it then... not so much when I was freezing an hour later!

Looking out at the crazy sea formation rock (behind me).

Trying to dry off some although by the time I got out the sun was MIA.

Playing on a cool looking tree before we continued on our journey around the backside of Haleakala (the big volcano that is in the middle of the north and south side of Maui... the road to Hana is on the north of this- the lush side, the road back is on the south side- the dry side).

Another shot of the outstanding Maui coastline.

The Maui coast is amazing but check out the road we were on! Pretty much one lane and not paved. Now imagine it in a POS sebring with a trunk that keeps popping up and down... fun times!

Yep, the back half of Maui is MUCH dryer. It's kinda like Seattle vs Phoenix. Both very beautiful in their own respects.

And as we got closer to our home base, the road got smoother and it got greener. It also started to pour. NO fun with the convertible top that won't shut. Soon after this we arrived back at the airport to trade cars. We got a white one the second time around. Funny, they didn't even question us. They must have to swap those cars a lot. Big surprise, I know.

After we traded cars, we revisited the black sand beach that is down by our hotel to watch the sunset. It was so nice just to sit out there, essentially on our own private little beach.

Well, maybe not so private. We had a run in with this little guy who was trying to make his home for the night. We watched him dig the hole and shovel out sand. It was pretty neat. I was a little grossed out at first by these crabs but eventually I came around and was ok sharing the sand with him.

Sitting on the sand enjoying the sunset. And yes, that is a fleece I am wearing. In Hawaii. What can I say? I was FREEZING. After the sunset, we headed back to the hotel for drinks and dinner. Where? At Ko again. Remember I mentioned we went there twice? Well this night was round two. Partly because I wasn't really walking that great, partly because it was close and partly because it was so awesome the first day. It was amazing again and the perfect way to wrap up a day full of adventures.

Maui Day 4- October 18, 2008. Snorkel and The. Best.Luau. Ever.

The fourth day started at about 5am. You may think this seems cruel to get up this early on vacation but it wasn't that bad because 1) We went to bed early around 10pm since Tim wasn't feeling well and 2) We had snorkel boating reservations!

I am not sure exactly why the snorkel companies make you arrive that early. I think that the ocean is generally calmer in the morning so they like to get out to sea to avoid any seasickness. After a 40 minute drive to central Maui, we hopped on the boat at 7am. The trip started out great...it was a bit windy but we were inside chomping on bagels so we didn't really care. It took about 35-45 minutes to get out to Molikini crater, a popular snorkeling spot just off the coast of Maui.

Just before reaching our destination, we notice clouds starting to move in and the captain comes onto the speaker and tells us that many boats are not staying out at the crater that morning and instead going to another snorkel spot because it is so windy and not ideal snorkeling conditions...Read: incredibly bumpy water. And wait, isn't this why we got up early? To AVOID this??

But we hear him talking to another boat and he says, "Ah, screw it, we're here, we'll just stay," even though the other boat captain told him how nice and calm and clear the other spot was that morning. Tim and I looked at each other and just groaned. There were already people who were starting to look slightly green. It was not a good indication of what the next 4 hours would hold.

If anyone knows me and my issues/phobias/whatever you want to call it with puke, you would be saying a big "UH OH" in your head about right now.

We park the boat and get all of our snorkel gear on. It is not a good sign that there are white caps in the water because it is THAT windy and choppy. Tim and I are the first couple of people to jump in. We both have wetsuits on but it is cloudy and windy so it's pretty cold in the water. You can see some fish but not like we were expecting. Most of the time you are just fighting to not get tossed into the rocks of the crater because the waves are that turbulent.

We get out after a while because we are cold. While we are out we notice that 1) They are serving lunch already... IE: burgers, grilled chicken sandwiches, etc. Um, it's 9:30am! 2) While we are sitting there, we just happen to look over right as a lady is completely yakking for about 5 minutes straight over the side of the boat. UH OH. And, um, DISGUSTING.

From there, it went downhill. I have never gotten seasick before. Probably something to do with the fact that I don't have much experience being on the ocean or water since I grew up in the dead center of the US, not even remotely CLOSE to water. But I do have a pretty strong stomach (mainly due to my puke issues I guess). I did not get seasick on the snorkel trip. I felt it, for sure, but did not get seasick. Tim on the other hand has before... and definitely did that day. I don't think watching that lady toss her cookies helped much. After that, he started to feel really bad. We got back into the water thinking it might help with the choppiness. Not so much. He almost puked in the water.

We get out and spend the next two hours of our time there huddled together inside the cabin. It was choppy, cloudy and not fun. We were both so ready to get off that damn boat that I seriously considered diving in and swimming back to Maui.

Once we took off, it got much better. Tim started to feel a bit better and on the way back we saw turtles and dolphins. That, by far, was the best part of our whole snorkeling adventure.

On the boat on the way out to the crater. It was sunny then!

Almost at the crater- you can see it behind Tim.

All dressed up and ready to go in my snorkel suit. Why is it so brightly colored you ask? They gave me a kids one! Lame!

A little sea turtle that we saw on the way back from the crater. We didn't get any good pictures of the dolphins.

When we got back to the hotel that afternoon, we ate lunch. We successfully avoided the boat lunch at 9am. It smelled gross and it was 9am for the love of god! We went back to our room and had this HUGE bouquet of flowers in our room from my mom, dad and brother with an awesome card basically telling us congratulations on our wedding. It was so nice. Shortly after that we took off for Lahina on the east side of Maui for the Luau we had scheduled for that night.

Pictures of eastern Maui on the drive over to Lahina. I think Tim was bored riding shot gun. He got a little camera happy on the drive.

Pictures of the beach on the way to Lahina.

Beautiful picture of the sun starting to set.

Just relaxing in the sun and waiting to get into the Luau.

Sitting at the Luau enjoying the sunset after taking pictures and getting "leid"... again! We got so many leis over there. And did I mention that our table at the luau was front and center? It was the best luau ever! [It's the Feast at Lele for anyone who is planning a trip to Maui. Pricey but worth it.]

Our table. Oops we already spilled some salsa that we were eating with our taro chips. Oh, and the drinks are amazing, unlimited, and included in the price! Score!

Waiting for the luau to start.

Still waiting on the luau to start but this is not a self portrait like the one above. A nice guy was nice enough to take our picture (he and his wife sat at the table beside us. They became our new friends from Minnesota!)

Drinking a lava flow... Lava flows were probably Tim's drink of the trip. They were good, but nothing beats the Maui mojito!

Beautiful sunset.

Beautiful hula dancers. This luau, like many others, explores all of the island cultures- Hawaii, Tahiti, New Zealand, and the Samoas. With each course, they bring out food for each of the islands and then the dancers come out with the dances that relate to each island's culture. It's pretty neat. And of course, there is a fire dancer at the end!

We got our own little unique dessert plate. It says congratulations in Hawaiian at the top for our wedding (actually I think they thought they were there on our honeymoon, but whatever! It was still awesome). At that point, though, we were so full from the entire 4 course dinner that we didn't touch a whole lot of dessert... enough to try everything but we certainly didn't eat all of this.

We left the Luau feeling very content and happy. The ending of the day was so much better than the beginning on the snorkel boat. We couldn't have been happier with the luau. We did end up buying ridiculously expensive pictures that they take at the beginning of the luau but oh well, it is all part of the experience, right? We drove back to Wailea at around 10pm, with the top down on the convertible. Ah, seriously gotta love Hawaii...